A Grown-up Child

Fine grains of sand tickle her feet. Sun shines radiantly in the sky and rays of light sneak through green tree tops. She walks towards a makeshift wooden bench in the shade of a Champa tree. The tree is short, bears long green leaves but it is now leafless. White flowers blossom in bunches on its knobbly branches. A few white flowers have covered the ground as well. She steps forward carefully because she doesn't want to tread on any of those delicate white flowers. For a moment she remembers the time when she was a kid, how she used to fold the petals of a flower backwards, turn it into a flowery ring and dance around showing it to the people around her.

She isn't a child anymore though, she muses. She sits on the bench alone and then lies on her back looking at the patches of the sky visible through the bunches of white flowers above. With a light breeze, two-three more flowers land on the ground to join the flowers that are withering now, their edges turning brown.

She smiles to herself, looks around. When she is sure no-one is looking at her, she stands on the bench and tiptoes. She extends her arm to touch those beautiful flowers on a branch her hand reaches. Then she picks up a fresh flower from the ground.

She smells the flower to her heart's content, folds its petals backwards with utmost concentration and sticks them in its stem. She fastens it on one of her fingers and stares at it with a faint self-complacent smile.

She is still the same child, even after twenty years.

Endless Winter - 7

THE BERRY

He looked out in the sky from a huge window of his Palace. His eyes searched the distant Forest where his Wildflower lived, but he could only see the green tops of the tall trees and the blue river that curved gracefully. His only relief... Only comfort came from knowing they were under the same sky at least. Each time he thought about her, he sighed painfully.

There was a sudden movement behind him and before he knew anything, he was pushed against the wall with a silver knife at his throat.

"Do not shout." a cold voice, strangely familiar- spoke to him.

He stayed patient and still, looking at the frail fingers that held the knife.

"Wildflower!" he whispered in a mild surprise.

She removed the hood that covered her face and stood face to face. She looked really frail. Her eyes were cold and indifferent devoid of the usual mischief, the lines on her gaunt face made her look sickly, her skin was pale and sallow with her collarbone more prominent than ever. With a morbid look on her face, she gritted her teeth.

"You remember."

Remember! There wasn't a moment when he did not think of her.

"I have come to kill you." she said brandishing the knife.

He smirked.
"I can see that. What do you wait for?"

"Contemplating the most painful death I should give you..." she said, twisting her face in rage.
"You can't kill me."
"I can."
"You won't."
"I will."

She was inches away from him. Her breath felt warm on his face. The edge of her knife brushed lightly against the skin at his throat. He watched her face contort in anguish.

"Someone who wishes to kill the Prince does not spill the beans on his assassination conspiracy." He whispered to her, closing his fist around hers that held the knife.

An expression of shock and sudden realisation flitted across her face. She closed her eyes at his touch.

"How did you know I informed that carpenter spy of yours!"

"Do you expect me to not recognise your handwriting?"

Her hand that held the knife dropped automatically by her side.

With a scoffing smile, she said, "Such a shame. A prince revealing his spies' identities to some girl he loved. Such an irresponsible behaviour. I could destroy you with all your secrets you told me!"

"I trusted you," he said quietly, "I trust you. I wasn't wrong. My most loyal spy came with your letter informing about the conspiracy of my assassination and expressing the suspicion about the Treasurer. Your letter, Wildflower! Somehow I knew who would be sent for killing me. He is arrested, the Treasurer along with two of his accomplices. You think it would have been so easy for you to enter a Prince's Palace? You could come because I wanted you to."

She sighed, "When he came to me, I knew he was someone important from the Palace- the way he assured me an easy entry in the Palace. When he mentioned his son, I remembered the night when you had sentenced him to death and came to me heartbroken-" She pursed her lips at the reference of that night's memory.

She was inches away from him, her hands were in his, she seemed totally unaware of that.

"So much risk, Wildflower! Just to be able to come here in the Palace. Just to see me..." he murmured in a low voice, touching the loose strands of her hair that played on the breeze.

"I did not come to see you. I came to kill you." she said feebly.

He only smiled at her, " You have never been a good liar, Wildflower!"

"So this is your Palace you boast about?! People who thirst for each-other's blood!" she simpered, "I would think these rubies on these draperies are actually the drops of blood."

"That's what I meant by a Prince's life not being easy."

" Hypocrite!" she said with a cold contemptuous laughter that did not suit her.

Her hatred hurt.

"Give me a beautiful death for all the mistakes I made." he said with his lips near her ears, pulling her towards him by her waist, touching her forehead with his own... The indifferent cold mask on her face melted away with the warm tears that trickled down her cheeks, just as she held his face in her trembling palms... Her touch after so many months... The same tender touch that transformed him into a human from a prince... As irresistible as ever.

A few secret moments in the Forest were lived again... Even the cold breeze that sneaked through the window couldn't cool their yearning bodies... The passion before the separation... The life just before the death... The Spring before the winter... The peaceful oblivion before snapping back to the brutal reality...

"I am still going to kill you." she said with her arms wrapped around his neck, with an agonized look on her face.

"You lost the knife." He smiled, tracing her jawline affectionately with his thumb and caressing her neck with his palms.

"Out beyond the ideas
of wrongdoings and rightdoings,
there is a field.

I will meet you there...

When the soul lies down in that soil,
The world is
too full to talk about..."

She recited an old poem. A poem of a poet from the foreign land far from where they lived.

She smiled sadly and opened her palm out for him. A tiny green berry... He immediately recognised it.

The poison. The deadly poison from the Forest.

He screamed her name and held her arms but too late... Her lifeless body was all he had in his arms.

Death wasn't worse than living in the world where she did not exist.

THE END

Endless Winter - 6

INFALLIBLE WEAPON

"Wildflower, you must understand Prince's situation as well." One of the trees around her tried to reason with her.

One fierce look from her and the Tree fell silent.

"A person like him deserves to die. A coward. A hypocrite." she spat with her face screwed in disgust and contempt.

"What are you saying..." the Tree said in a small voice.

"I say it right. I wish I could go to the Palace and slash his throat." she said scathingly.

I had been observing for several weeks. All she ever talked about was killing him. Hatred dripped from every word she said. Every time I heard her venomous words, hope erupted in my mind like a snake drawing its hood.

I thought the first thing Prince would do after returning from the battle would be to go to this girl in the Forest. When the Prince did not go to the Forest for weeks, it did not really surprise me. I knew it all along that it was nothing but a fling. A Royalty could easily do such things and get away with them. They were the law-makers. They defined the right and the wrong. They considered themselves Gods of Justice. Sanctimonious hypocrites!

"Wildflower." I called her name at the riverbank, out of the earshot of the Trees.

"Who are you, Gentleman!"
Her impertinent tone did not match the respectful title she referred me with.

I extricated the crumpled and torn pieces of letters and a thimble from my pocket and put them in front of her.

She flinched a little but stared at me defiantly.

"These are yours." I said quietly.

"They aren't." she said, picking them up in her hands. Then she tossed everything in the river without any second thought, "It's nothing but rich hollow words. Bullshit!"

"The Prince abandoned you, didn't he?" I said in a slightly mocking tone.

A pulse on her forehead throbbed ominously and her upper lip curled with disdain.

"A royalty does it all the time. Women like you are the things for recreational purpose for them. Their thrill for some time." I said.

"Who are you and what do you want? You don't seem to belong here in the Forest." she said quietly.

"I don't; but you don't need to know who I am. Let's talk business."

"What business?" she asked suspiciously.

I smiled and lowered my voice, "I know you want to kill him."

She looked at me in bewilderment and shock.

"I know. I have heard you. I have been watching you." I whispered under my breath.

She stayed speechless for a few moments and then gave me a long curious look before speaking finally.

"How can you help? I had been planning to go to the Palace soon anyway." She said raising her eyebrows.

I laughed.
"All by yourself, girl? You think you will be entertained? You won't stand a chance!"

She considered for a moment and she seemed to understand it would be impossible for her to even enter the Palace without an aid.

"Then?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"I can make your entry easy. I happen to know the Palace very well, plus I have two accomplices."

She looked at me closely, buried in thought.

"Why me?"

I sighed, "No other weapon is as sharp as the vengeance. You seem fierce and brave. You look frail but you are a nimble Forest-Dweller. Plus you deserve justice."

Also, if at all you get killed in the process, nothing would trace back to me, I thought, some wild girl the Prince ditched trying to murder him would be a totally convincing story in such a case.

She paused for a long moment, taking in my plan.

"What's in it for you?" she asked finally, staring at me and scoffing, "Wealth, is it? Or is it the higher position you seek? Like all the other people in the world."

Her sarcastic words stung a bit. Wealth and position, I did not desire any of it.

"The same what you seek- vengeance." I muttered.

"For whom?"

"My son." The memory of my son brought angry tears that stung my eyes.

An understanding seemed to dawn on her face. Everybody who hates connects with the feeling of vengeance.

"He cheated me. He will have to pay." she said with her head high, looking at the distant minaret of the Palace, "Guide me."

A content smile spread on my lips.

My infallible weapon was at my disposal.

-- To be Continued...

Endless Winter - 5

ROYAL SORROWS

I pulled the reins of my horse absent mindedly. That girl's- Wildflower's shrieks of laughter still rang in my ears. That mirthless laugh could make any stone melt. I was just a Messenger, what words could I say to console her? There were no tears to wipe and even if they were, I don't think I would have done anything...

For three years I had been a bridge between those two loving souls. I was one of the oldest and the most trusted men of the Prince and hence his obvious choice to carry his letters to his lady love and bring back hers. The noticeable restlessness and longing in their eyes every time I brought a message, the beating of their hearts almost tangible, the eager smile they tried to hide in vain... That would just make me pray to my Gods to unite the souls as soon as possible.

Duty. Conveying the message was my duty. Conveying only what had been written, the unwritten things lay in a secret emotional corner of my heart. They were not supposed to be revealed.

With heavy heart I made a beeline to the Prince's Castle as ordered.

The castle was semi-dark, the pale twilight bathing it in unusual gloom. A silver plate laden with the delicacies from the Royal kitchen was untouched. The Prince was still in his morning clothes, pacing restlessly with his hands at the back. His proud head was bent tonight, sans his crown that lay abandoned in a corner, his handsome face was hidden in the creepy light of a single lamp that flickered unsteadily.

He heard my footsteps and before I could even follow niceties like bowing before him, he hurried towards me.

"How is she?" he asked eagerly in a slightly shaky voice.

I had no good answer for the question.

"She doesn't seem fine, My Lord." I briefed him.

"Was she..." he asked, suddenly stopped, cleared his throat and continued, "Was she crying a lot?"

All his questions were tough. Given a choice I wouldn't have answered any of them.

"She laughed."
"Laughed?" he asked, bewildered.

"Inconsolable, My Lord. She just laughed uncontrollably." I said quietly, staring at him to read his face.

His face turned darker. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He muttered something incoherently, indistinctly as if he was talking to himself. For a moment I remembered a maniac that wandered everywhere back at my home in the lanes away from the Palace.

He might have forgotten I was still there. He slumped into an armchair helplessly. Slowly he picked up a silk pocket from a wooden box and offered it to me. The coins clinked oddly in the silence.

"Your prize. I am grateful." he said in a defeated voice.

I looked at that thick pocket full of gold. Today's had been the toughest assignment I had ever had. I was drained. The shrieks of laughter at the Forest and the deadly silence in the Palace... I hated my job.

"I do not want prize tonight, My Lord." I said bowing before him respectfully.

"Why! It's yours!" he said weakly.

The silk of his sleeve shone slightly and an amethyst in his ring sent pale violet rays of light on his grave face.

"No, My Lord, " I said with tight jaw, "I have grown old with the woman I love. Today, My Lord, I feel richer than ever."

He turned his gaze up at me and I got a full view of his dimly lit face. Guilt, grief and defeat filled every line of that face.

In forty-five years of my service in the Palace, for the first time I witnessed the teardrops of a Royalty.

- To be Continued...

Endless Winter - 4

THE COLD SPRING

The Wildflower saw the dust rising from a distance and heard the sound of hooves and her heart leapt. The Trees raised their heads to look around. The Royal Messenger sped towards them on a handsome black horse, the same messenger who always brought letters from her Prince. She tiptoed, her eyes in search of the Royal Carriage in vain.

Her Prince must have had sent a message to intimate her to get ready for the Palace. She grinned broadly in excitement and anticipation. If only he had come directly to meet her! She did not want any surprise. One endless season without him! It was too long without seeing him, without his touch...

The Messenger came to a graceful halt near her and getting down from the back of the horse swiftly, he bowed before her. She gave him a smile of recognition; he returned it rather grimly. He drew a letter from his breastpocket, a letter bearing her Prince's seal she immediately recognized. The letter that had his trace, his fragrance. She wanted to open it herself, smell it to her heart's content, move her fingers along the letters he traced with the ink...

She stopped herself from tugging at it with a great difficulty. She was soon to be a Royalty. An ungraceful show of eagerness and impatience wouldn't suit her. She stood stiff and straight faced waiting for him to hand her the letter as usual..

He did not hand the letter to her, instead he cleared his throat and read out loud in a steady tone.

"Dear Wildflower,

I won the battle a few days back and returned victorious to the Palace. I don't know how to tell you this but I cannot come to see you anymore. I cherish the moments spent with you but you must understand that a Prince's life is not easy. I cannot take you to the Palace. I cannot do anything that harms the dignity of the Royal Family. I apologise. I made a mistake.

- Prince"

She couldn't believe him. The words pierced her sharper than the winter she had endured waiting for her Prince did. Maybe she was just dreaming? No, she wasn't. There was a collective intake of breath from the Trees, an awkward rustling of the leaves. Forgetting all her pretense, she snatched the letter from the Messenger's hands; she could recognize her Prince's perfect 'S' the way he typically curved it. It seemed familiar... yet totally unfamiliar.

"Mistake." she whispered. The world spun around her frantically. She could even have stopped breathing. Her vision was blurred, the faint noise around her was coming from some distant, deep well. Her brain buzzed and stung as if attacked by wasps. No, the tears did not come. Some of the Trees tried to cover her with their branches protectively.

Could it be some kind of a jest? No. Prince could never play such a cruel joke. She re-read the letter till every word sunk in her brain.

"It is not true. Tell me it is not true! Has Prince given you this letter? Swear on something! Swear by your Gods." she pleaded the Messenger.

The Messenger hung his head. Then he looked in her eyes sadly.

"My Lady, I have been your messenger for three years. I solemnly swear by the God I have faith in. I do not lie. The Prince sent it himself."

There was a grave silence for a moment.

She burst into a laughter, a laughter that she did not recognize. Terrible laughter. Spine chilling. Unnerving. Cold. Mirthless laughter. Even the Trees shuffled their branches nervously. The Messenger backed off with a humble bow at her, rode his horse and left.

She stared after the Messenger, covered with the dust that the horse's hooves set into the air. For a long time, no-one spoke. The Trees exchanged anxious looks, not knowing how to console someone who isn't crying.

With the surge of fury that burnt into her eyes like a wildfire, she went to the spot where she had hidden the treasure she held dear. A thimble that her Prince had dropped once while teaching her archery, one of the soft feathers from a pillow in the Royal Carriage that felt as delicate as his touch, a multicolored stone that he had retrieved diving in the river for her, a silk thread from his sleeve that had tangled with her hair once while they kissed, his letters with his perfect handwriting, his fragrance worn off them already over the years... She threw them all around laughing hysterically, slapping herself.

"You were right! I was a fool." She told the Trees loudly with an unnatural high pitched laugh.

Why. 'Why' was all she thought day and night. The Prince was her life, but for him- she realized she had been nothing but a spark of a short lived adventure, all along.

Wildflower doesn't cry. Her tears have gone dry behind her eyes. Her wail of agony has died in her throat. She just sleeps a little less than she used to, laughs a little less than she used to, loves a little less than she used to.

Her wait for Prince is over. It's winter that just doesn't end for her.

- To be Continued...

Endless Winter - 3

THE BATTLE

Do the battles ever get over, he pondered. Some of his battles were tough. No gore, no swords dancing in the air, no blood flowing on the ground, no soil strewn with the flesh, no roars of victory and no screams of death... Some battles are silent, perpetual and bound to end up in a defeat no matter how hard you fight.

Because some battles are fought in your own head, against yourself.

He hit his fist on the wall in frustration.

'No Wildflower from Forest shall ever set foot in Palace. We are Royalty, Prince! How could you ever forget that! The flowers in the Forest cannot adorn the Palace walls. This shall never reach your father. End it, Prince.'

The words of his mother- no, the Queen echoed in his ears and then the radiant face of Wildflower stirred before his eyes as the breeze from the Forest sneaking through the window touched his skin. She must have been waiting for him. The year-long battle was over and he had returned triumphant to the Palace. His mother kissed his forehead proudly before he had told her all about the Wildflower and his wish to spend his life with her. He couldn't blame his mother for ordering him to leave Wildflower. The Royalty had more responsibilities to take on, they couldn't just do whatever they wished to do.

He had everything now. Fame, victory, wealth, respect from his subjects... It all was useless, pointless without Wildflower. All he wished for was to be able to run to the Forest and hold her in his arms, smell her wild scent to his heart's content, kiss her hard and tell her he would never leave her, tell her he did not want to be a prince anymore.

Being a prince was not easy.

He sighed deeply, pinching his nose bridge with his eyes closed in frustration. The sun shone pleasantly bright in the sky and the cuckoo in the Royal Garden sang melodiously. The kids of the servants played noisily outside and their mothers scolded them. A couple of soldiers practised archery in the training ground. The Royal Treasurer was hurrying outside the castle in his travelling cloak. Prince's mind dwelled on that old man for a while.

He remembered the night three years ago when he sentenced the young son of that man to death, the youth almost his age. The law the youth had broken- Prince thought, was too harsh but the Prince had to do his own duty, he had to do what his forefathers did. Nothing was above the Royal Law. Nothing was above the dignity of the Palace. Prince had hated being a prince that night, being seated in the High Chair of Justice in the absence of his father, hearing the heart wrenching wails of the youth's father. Like a broken man, that night he had gone to the his only refuge, the only sanctuary where he couldn't hear the weeping of the old man, where he wasn't a prince- in his Wildflower's arms. It was only in her lap where he had had a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

He flinched at the thought of Wildflower. It was strange how she creeped in all his thoughts, sneaked in all his feelings. It all came only to her at the end. Like she was the only real thing in the world.

Those days would never come back, he thought. Whether or not he wanted to be, he couldn't run away from the fact that he was the Prince. He had responsibilities, towards his kingdom. Wildflower was a beautiful road where he had stopped by, but he couldn't stop there forever.

"Summon my Messenger." he ordered his guard, steeling his heart.

He went back inside the castle closing the window tight shut and pulled a piece of parchment and ink in front of him. The toughest battles are often fought within the stone-walls of the Palace.

- To be Continued...

Endless Winter - 2

A NIGHTMARE

I woke up to the usual nightmare. I was soaked in sweat and my heart was beating frantically. I lit the lamp nearby and dropped a silver goblet with my shaking hands.

I got up from my bed. The nightmare still felt vivid.

A lifeless body of my beloved son.

I had everything people dreamt of. A high position in the Court- I was the Royal Treasurer. I had a small castle for myself within the Palace. I slept on a fluffy bed, wore silk clothes. I had everything but my son.

I lost him two years ago. He committed a crime, they said and the Prince sentenced him to death. I wondered if he had done the same had it been someone of a royal lineage.

I pleaded. I wept. The walls of the Palace remained stony and deaf to the cries of an old father just like the people living inside it. Prince was a new hero- the rightful owner of the throne. Righteous and of Principles of steel, just like his forefathers.

I burnt in the fire of vengeance since then. That memory of my son's lifeless body stirred the hive of hatred in my heart. I never had a calm sleep right from that night. My sleep had been marked with only two recurring visions.

A nightmare of my son's death and a dream of Prince's dead body.

Watching the Prince dead was the only aim of my life now. The fire that kept me alive even after my son was taken from me.

Over those two years, I just kept quiet and kept serving in the Palace just so that I wouldn't lose the Prince from my eyesight. I planned, I conspired, I kept an eye on him. Two attempts of assassinations. Both failed miserably. When the Prince left for the Battle of the West in last spring, I wished he lost his life there.

Maybe his fortune was too strong or maybe the prayers protected him, helped him evade the death every time it sneaked towards him. The prayers of his mother and some Forest-girl who loved him.

He returned victorious from the Battle in the West. The King broke the news proudly in the Court that day. Everyone cheered. Prince would return in twenty days. The wheels of my thoughts revolved fast.

With two attempts failed now, I had to be careful. Fortunately they weren't too cautious because I could cover up those two incidents without attracting undesired attention. I couldn't afford to get arrested. I did not really fear the death but I did not want to die without avenging my son, without seeing the Royal Family weep over their Prince, without seeing the fear of death in Prince's eyes.

All I needed was a right opportunity and an infallible weapon.

-- To be Continued...

Endless Winter - 1

PROMISES

"Wait for me till next spring..." the Prince had said before kissing her goodbye. He had tears in his eyes.

"You have your duties. I will wait." the Wildflower had said serenely, grabbing his shoulders and eyeing him proudly.

The Prince had only walked two paces before coming back rushing towards his Wildflower again. The dam of the bravado that had restrained their tears had broken finally and in the solace of the wild Forest, both the souls had cried hugging each other with all the passion they had in their hearts.

For those stolen moments, they weren't a Prince or a Wildflower... They were one. The world did not exist; only love did. That was more than enough. They could have spent all their life that way in that beautiful oblivion.

The Prince had to leave though, for the greater good, with the promise to come back for his Wildflower, the next spring. Then he would take her to his Palace. His Palace was no place for any Wildflower but it did not matter. He knew how to fight wars and win them.

Wildflower waited for him. After he left, she knew how meaningless her life was without him. She wanted the time to hurry up but it moved so slow that every moment killed her a little. It was the same time that ticked away so hurriedly whenever Prince came to meet her in the Forest, she thought angrily. She missed his sweet voice, the safety in his mighty arms, his serene smile and the way he stared into her eyes making her blush.

She daydreamed all the time, listening to the music of the rustling leaves and watching squirrels nibbling at the treenuts, the things the Prince loved to do. She dreamt about the Palace her Prince would take her to. She had never seen the Palace, but she had been there in her imagination, through her Prince's eyes. Majestic iron gates shining silver, huge ballrooms, the Roses adorning the high golden walls, precious stones glittering on the silk curtains, rich food, fine wine, fluffy pillows... She wasn't really fascinated by the Palace. She had grown up in the Forest; of what use the diamonds and silk, roses and tulips, gold and silver were to her! All she ever wished was to wake up to her Prince every morning and sleep in his arms every night.

All through the burning sun and the cold rain, through savage wildfires, a vicious tempest and the winter that seemed endless that year, she stayed strong. She prayed for her Prince's safety day and night.

When a melodious song of a cuckoo brought the news of the imminent spring, her heart skipped a beat. She danced with joy and sang loudly in her rough voice. With every passing moment, her Prince was coming closer to her now... Soon she would lose herself in his loving embrace. The coldest winter in her heart would end soon... All that painful wait since eternity would come to an end.

All the Trees around her called her lunatic. She smiled proudly telling them, "Wait till my Prince comes!" with her nose in the air.

She wondered all the time where the Prince's Royal Carriage would land in that dense wild Forest. She shook her roots and pulled them off the soil. It was painful; but the love she had for him had only made her stronger than ever. She had long decided not to wither in his absence.

"When you will be back, I will dazzle you with my glow!" she had told him mischievously before he had left.

She moved to a beautiful Riverbank, adorned with the green carpet of the lush grass laid out as if to welcome her Prince.

'One step closer to you..' she whispered to herself happily.

The Prince never came back even after spring, nor did his message.

She pulls her roots off every morning to go back to her old Forest just to see if her Prince returns there. She asks the Trees around for any sign of him. Some whisper, some smirk, some sympathize, but no-one calls her lunatic on her face anymore. With a sympathetic shake of heads, the Trees tell her the Prince would never come back.

"Shut up! You don't know him! He keeps his promise." she spits at them indignantly and leaves for the Riverbank in a surly mood.

'He is the Prince after all, he must have Roses in his Palace. Poor Wildflower!'

'Hasn't she started withering these days....'
The Trees discuss after she leaves every evening.

To be continued...