Grey

I remember scoffing when he said grey was his favourite color and telling how much I hate the fact that all his shirts were grey. Yet, when he wore the blue one I chose for him finally, I somehow couldn't forget the lovely way the salt and pepper of his hair used to match his shirts before.

Between us, everything stayed grey.

He played his melodies with his hands of smoke as I kept searching for passion in the ashes of my expectations. Asphalt shined under our feet as we took long walks, arguing about future. Rain-clouds always rumbled from the sky while I sat beside him and pondered whether we are allowed to hold hands like one of those couples or not. His 'I don't give a damn about you' and 'It's raining. You have umbrella, right?' always kept me wondering.

Between us, everything stayed grey.
Everything.
Smoke, ashes, asphalt, rain-clouds, his mind, his shirts...

As indecisive as grey.
Neither here nor there.
Neither black nor white.

I was always a 'Red' person- passionate, intense, tempestuous. Now every time I rub my thumb over my cheeks, a bit of a color comes off.

It scares me watching my grey thumb, because I have always hated grey.

Addicted

Starting from the rainy week when tiles on the terrace turned slippery with green-black moss till today- when the moss has shrivelled to crisp black crust in mild sunshine of August, it feels it has been a while. It could have been years- considering how accommodating some adverbs can be, 'a while' could also mean years for all I know.

Now enthusiasm of rain is wearing off, puddles in the park have dried up forming small pits of soft damp soil. I think I have never seen seasons change so fast. Again, 'so fast' holds so much of generic meaning that at certain point of time I feel, it could have happened over several light years.

Maybe it's been years since I have been sober, years since I have given in to temptation, years since I have drowned in bleak lake of desire.

Maybe not, because withdrawl symptoms still kick in at unearthly hours- especially after a fugitive brief eye contact or a fleeting brush of her skin against mine. Maybe not, because I still find myself craving for the forbidden in a ridiculously absurd way, knowing it's poison intending to kill me softly.

So I tell you; and don't you scoff unless you have quit something you hold dear- it's only been hours since I quit her.

Mathematics

Maths and I isn't really a good combination.

Maths is simple, uncomplicated.
And to me, the simplest of things are often the most difficult ones to understand.

I often meet people who are fluent with Maths. (Yeah, Maths is their mothertongue!)

"Take 2 grams of care, give 2 grams of care."
Simple!

But my weighing scale keeps oscillating; RHS never equals LHS.

I often meet people who are fluent in Maths...
Unit of their love is Expectation.

"I love you enough to fulfil exactly 9 Expectations of yours. 9/10."
Simple!

But I keep wrapping such precious things in flimsy adverbs- 'a lot', 'like hell' and 'very much'.

Ah look, another profit-loss sum goes wrong.

Maths is just not my cup of tea.

Museum

My own museum of regrets
Some ancient and some quite recent
Lined up on silk of memories
In chains of past, behind glass of present

There are petty childhood resentments
Choosing that red frock over the blue one
of never playing on swings in summers 
And of sneering at a dumb boy just for fun

There are sweet youthful resentments
of clueless textbooks, sleepy classrooms and low grades
Of feeling unsaid to that stupid crush
Choosing simpler career for stability that now evades

Restricted section full of vengeful beasts;
Another floor in my museum opens at 3 am
I visit it on rainy nights with a glass of rum
And watch hardened regrets creating mayhem

Hardest goodbyes and tearful farewells
Some pity things lying bleeding without closures
Lost opportunities and missed chances
Shameful defeat against sinful pleasures

I kissed you and blamed alcohol yet again
when I saw you on first floor the other night
I am done adding floors to my museum
No more regrets, please- get lost from my sight!