'Eeyy Mobile!' the man in the driving seat shouted at me as a car halted with a screech inches away from me, 'Watch out!' I stood frozen with headphones in ears and phone in hands. I had not noticed the speeding car as I had been buried in my phone while crossing the road. Several people eyed me reproachfully, some did a tch tch. I cringed in embarrassment and sprinted my way across the road.
Not a new incident for me and I am not proud of it. I have spent 22 good years in Mumbai with busy roads and 3 years in Pune with indisciplined drivers. Still I always fumble while crossing roads. Seriously, several times I wonder if there is some problem in my eye-brain-leg coordination or I am just absent minded.
I am at my funniest when I cross the roads. First, I never cross roads alone. I wait for someone coming to cross the road, shield myself with them, match their speed hoping they aren't quicker than me and run along. I always did that while crossing that highway on the way to VJTI. If I happen to go on an afternoon when there is noone crossing the road, I would simply stand their waiting for ages for traffic to clear out.
I do the strangest thing when I see a vehicle speeding in my direction. I stand stiff, in the middle of the road, with head down, eyes shut tight. Fortunately I never died in a road accident. Till now.
One of my friends saw my amazing style of crossing. He held me by my backpack and stirred me away.
'Are you mad? Why do you stand there! People were laughing at you!' he informed, laughing uncontrollably.
'I don't know. I am just scared while crossing roads. It automatically happens.' I said shrugging.
'I read it somewhere. They say it's myth. Do u know ostrich?' he said, 'When they spot a danger, they bury their heads in the sand, you are an ostrich!' he laughed, 'you think not seeing the danger would stop the danger from approaching you.'
This road-safety issue of mine is so grave that on numerous occasions, strangers took me by wrist and helped me cross the road. Yes. Once I was planning my move looking intently at the traffic, putting a foot forward and then wincing and backing off indecisively. A lady held me by wrist and took me on the other side and left quietly. Some other time, a guy in my office with whom I had never talked before suddenly took my arm and pulled me across. (Okay- I kept wondering for the next few minutes how he thought he would manage to do that without offending me.)
Another friend teased me when I brought up the topic, "Maybe while crossing the road, Ketaki, you seem vulnerable. Like you need saving. People think this girl must be saved." I made a face at her.
One day I did bump into someone I trusted my life with. I would tug at their arm and then close my eyes- ready for the leap of faith. I could hear the horns screeching. The vehicles whirred around us. I could even feel the wind blowing noisily as some car whooshed swiftly, could suffocate slightly with the traffic smell. I did not have to open my eyes. I knew I was in safe hands. Do you know that feeling of safety, that divine inner peace that clears out your head off any fear or worry? Exactly that. I did not care to open my eyes. I just tugged at their arm. The assuring warmth of their arm made me fearless. Reckless and secure at the same time.
After a while that arm had snapped free of me. Maybe they were scared themselves, unwilling to move ahead... I never knew. All I knew was that I was alone in the middle of the road. Alone, unprotected, scared. Amongst vehicles moving... People running... Horns blowing.. I was frozen on the spot, cringing as I always did in the middle of the road. Neck bent, eyes fixed on ground in submission.
I could not stay there. There was a long stretch of road ahead still to be crossed. No matter how scared you are, you cannot stay frozen, that's the rule. It is necessary for what they call it- moving on. You know there are people across the road waiting for you. There are some cheering for you at a distance- you can do it, come on. You are alone in the middle of the road. Without help. Someday you have to come home.
I thought all this in the middle of that road, heaved a deep breath and walked forward. I am still walking on that road. Alone, not lonely but still having no option other than to learn to cross the road myself. I left some part of me on that road... I know I cannot go back to grab it. It is supposed to be like that. When you walk a really long road, you leave some things unknowingly or knowingly. In the road called life, there is no looking back no matter how precious thing you leave behind while walking forward.
I googled about ostrich habits. It seems they don't really bury their head in the sand on encountering a danger. I am learning not to stand stiff in the middle of the road with eyes shut. I am trying running, or better- fighting.
Not a new incident for me and I am not proud of it. I have spent 22 good years in Mumbai with busy roads and 3 years in Pune with indisciplined drivers. Still I always fumble while crossing roads. Seriously, several times I wonder if there is some problem in my eye-brain-leg coordination or I am just absent minded.
I am at my funniest when I cross the roads. First, I never cross roads alone. I wait for someone coming to cross the road, shield myself with them, match their speed hoping they aren't quicker than me and run along. I always did that while crossing that highway on the way to VJTI. If I happen to go on an afternoon when there is noone crossing the road, I would simply stand their waiting for ages for traffic to clear out.
I do the strangest thing when I see a vehicle speeding in my direction. I stand stiff, in the middle of the road, with head down, eyes shut tight. Fortunately I never died in a road accident. Till now.
One of my friends saw my amazing style of crossing. He held me by my backpack and stirred me away.
'Are you mad? Why do you stand there! People were laughing at you!' he informed, laughing uncontrollably.
'I don't know. I am just scared while crossing roads. It automatically happens.' I said shrugging.
'I read it somewhere. They say it's myth. Do u know ostrich?' he said, 'When they spot a danger, they bury their heads in the sand, you are an ostrich!' he laughed, 'you think not seeing the danger would stop the danger from approaching you.'
This road-safety issue of mine is so grave that on numerous occasions, strangers took me by wrist and helped me cross the road. Yes. Once I was planning my move looking intently at the traffic, putting a foot forward and then wincing and backing off indecisively. A lady held me by wrist and took me on the other side and left quietly. Some other time, a guy in my office with whom I had never talked before suddenly took my arm and pulled me across. (Okay- I kept wondering for the next few minutes how he thought he would manage to do that without offending me.)
Another friend teased me when I brought up the topic, "Maybe while crossing the road, Ketaki, you seem vulnerable. Like you need saving. People think this girl must be saved." I made a face at her.
One day I did bump into someone I trusted my life with. I would tug at their arm and then close my eyes- ready for the leap of faith. I could hear the horns screeching. The vehicles whirred around us. I could even feel the wind blowing noisily as some car whooshed swiftly, could suffocate slightly with the traffic smell. I did not have to open my eyes. I knew I was in safe hands. Do you know that feeling of safety, that divine inner peace that clears out your head off any fear or worry? Exactly that. I did not care to open my eyes. I just tugged at their arm. The assuring warmth of their arm made me fearless. Reckless and secure at the same time.
After a while that arm had snapped free of me. Maybe they were scared themselves, unwilling to move ahead... I never knew. All I knew was that I was alone in the middle of the road. Alone, unprotected, scared. Amongst vehicles moving... People running... Horns blowing.. I was frozen on the spot, cringing as I always did in the middle of the road. Neck bent, eyes fixed on ground in submission.
I could not stay there. There was a long stretch of road ahead still to be crossed. No matter how scared you are, you cannot stay frozen, that's the rule. It is necessary for what they call it- moving on. You know there are people across the road waiting for you. There are some cheering for you at a distance- you can do it, come on. You are alone in the middle of the road. Without help. Someday you have to come home.
I thought all this in the middle of that road, heaved a deep breath and walked forward. I am still walking on that road. Alone, not lonely but still having no option other than to learn to cross the road myself. I left some part of me on that road... I know I cannot go back to grab it. It is supposed to be like that. When you walk a really long road, you leave some things unknowingly or knowingly. In the road called life, there is no looking back no matter how precious thing you leave behind while walking forward.
I googled about ostrich habits. It seems they don't really bury their head in the sand on encountering a danger. I am learning not to stand stiff in the middle of the road with eyes shut. I am trying running, or better- fighting.
Ek kaam kar.. Sobat ek shitti thev.. Cross kartana vajav.. :P
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